If you find yourself in the position of having put in a lot of time, effort, and even money to win over your female friend but without success, please remember that there is no reason the friendship cannot continue going strong. Most importantly, never feel like a failure or even embarrassed by the outcome. Trying to move out of the “friend zone” comes with risk so there are times when no matter what you do, it simply never works.
Sometimes, a man will be working to build a relationship with a female friend, thinking everything is going fine when suddenly, it all falls apart. In this case, the man would likely feel shame and embarrassment, which again needs to be avoided. However, we wanted to provide you with some telltale signs that your incredible relationship is never go to evolve into anything more. This way, you can pay attention to the signs and back off gracefully.
As hard as it might be to hear, there is a definite difference in being loved by someone and that person being “in love” with you. If your female friend is starting to fall in love with you, she will make sure you know but if not, there will be certain telltale signs that the friendship is not going to move beyond the “friend zone”. However, that does not mean this woman does not love and care about you, just not in the way you were hoping.
Putting it all out there in anticipation that your friend is going to fall in love is scary and frustrating at times but unless you try, you will never know. Once you start to realize that the friendship to relationship is not going to occur, you then can expect to feel defeated, exasperated, hurt, and even a little angry. All of these emotions are natural and expected so try hard not to beat yourself up and just accept the fact that you have had an incredible opportunity to build a lifelong friendship and nothing more.
Obviously, feeling unsure coupled with your heart’s desire to receive the love from your special friend creates mixed emotions. The thing to keep in your mind is that things could be worse. Even if you never turn the friend into a girlfriend, you are very fortunate to have this close bond and in fact, there are many benefits to having a female friend that you can capitalize on such as:
- A close female friend can provide invaluable feedback on how to get an amazing girlfriend. She becomes a huge resource pool filled with a wealth of information
36 about dating, gift giving, behavior, and so on, and of course, she can provide answers to general questions you likely have.
- You can also use the services of your special female friend, having her keep her eyes open for someone that you could be hooked up with. After all, she probably has a long list of friends from childhood, school, and work that might be the ideal match for you.
- Finally, there is always the chance that in time, she might begin to see you differently, realizing that she did not give you much of a chance and that perhaps, the very man she has been looking for has been beside her all along.
We all know that being in love is an incredible feeling but only if both parties share the same emotion. Unfortunately, there are millions of men just like you who find themselves trapped in the love soap opera of being in love with an incredible woman but knowing she will never love back. Then hearing those dreaded words “I love you but I’m just not in love with you” cuts to the quick.
Instead of feeling you have just met the end of the world, realize that things happen for a reason and there is someone incredible out there just perfect for you and in the meantime before you meet her, you still have an amazing friendship with a very special woman. Although every “friend zone” friendship is slightly unique, there are surefire signs that the relationship you hoped for will never happen.
CHANGE OF BEHAVIOR
If the woman realizes that you are more interested than she is, to save you pain and embarrassment, she might very well start to change her behavior. This is not to make you feel rejected or to end the friendship, but merely to protect you. Some of these telltale signs include the following.
You may begin to notice that your friend does not return your phone calls or waits several days to call back. While you used this tactic in trying to snag her, she is now using the same technique but this time to create a safe distance. As the pursuer, the technique works one way but for the woman being pursued, it means something very different. Chances are that she will not be available to see you on a daily basis as before but again, this is not meant to hurt but to protect and let you down easily.
You might find that when the two of you do spend time together, it seems that everything you do is irritating or frustrating to her. Again, this is the woman’s way of trying to keep a wall up and many times, these behaviors are done unconsciously. If you find this happening, try not to take it personal. Instead, make sure time spent with your friend is casual and relaxing so she will not feel any stress.
Your female friend might not open up to you about her feelings on different subjects as much or to the same degree as when she saw you only as a “friend”. This barrier serves two purposes, it keeps you at bay, possibly discouraging you from pursing her further, and she may have met someone that she really likes more than friends and simply does not want to make you feel any worse than you already do. In rare instances, a female friend may go as far as lie to you, which obviously can put the friendship at risk.
Whereas before the two of you went to parties, social events, sporting games, and other activities together, she may start asking a female friend to join her instead or going alone. This hurts but you need to remember that she is probably struggling with her own emotions, feeling frustrated and confused right along with you and again, not wanting to lead you on and hurt you.
The innocent flirtation of holding hands, putting arms around each other, goodnight kisses, or leaning on each other will likely come to a screeching halt. The reason is that the woman will now feel that if she gives an inch, you will take a mile and she does not want anything done or said to be misconstrued.
Finally, if your female friend is trying to pull back so as not to hurt you, chances are conversations are going to feel somewhat strained. In addition to not sharing as much information and not talking as often, when you do get together, the easy 38 flow of words that you shared before might be missing. You could even notice that when you do talk, there appears to be little sincerity or interest in her voice.
Okay, you might be thinking that not only did you not get out of the “friend zone” with your special female friend, you also lost the friendship altogether. The truth is that your friendship is still very salvageable so do not simply tuck your tail between your legs and run. Now is the time for a heart-to-heart talk with your friend.
Set some time aside so the two of you can sit down some place quiet. Then, you need to be honest with her about your feelings but also that you are not willing to sacrifice the incredible friendship that you have enjoyed. Make sure you act with sincerity and that your words are straightforward, letting her know that you never meant to put pressure on her or make her feel uncomfortable.
Tell her that the friendship you have shared is worth a million dollars and that you are 100% okay in just being friends. Even if this is not exactly how you feel, you need to do a little bit of damage control by making her feel easy and comfortable. Most women are very understanding and more than willing to continue on as before when you were in the “friend zone”.
It could possibly take a few weeks or even months for things to go back to the way they were so give her a little space and time. At first, she may decline a night out for dinner or a movie but do not take it personal. She just wants to ease back into things slowly to ensure the friendship is restored so it will last a lifetime. In a short amount of time, the two of you will be right back into your tight friendship routine, again laughing and having fun but only as friends.
PREEMPTIVE FRIEND ZONE TECHNIQUE
Now, another option that some men use is called the “Preemptive Friend Zone Technique.” While we are not convinced this is the best approach, there are some instances where it works. The concept is to make it appear as if you made the decision not to move forward first and if done in the right way, with a kind, caring, and warm spirit, then no one gets hurt.
Simply put, if you have gone through the various methods of transforming the friendship into a loving relationship but you are beginning to realize this is never going to happen, you can start putting the preemptive technique into motion. After picking up the telltale signs that nothing is going to change, over dinner one night, make a comment something to the effect of:
“Because we have had such an amazing friendship, I started
thinking that perhaps you and I should move our friendship
into an actual dating relationship but the more I thought
about it, the more I realized that we have such a unique and
wonderful friendship, I would be a fool to change anything
and potentially mess it up. I just wanted you to know that
you are an amazing friend and I’m so glad I’ve had the
opportunity to share great experience with you.”
When you use the Preemptive Friend Zone Technique, one of two things will happen. She will either let out a quiet sigh of relief because she had no interest in being anything more than friends or, she may pause and be a little confused as to why is she not good enough for you to pursue.
At that point, continue on as friends and if she realizes that she is interested in you as a boyfriend, she will begin to change, giving you distinctive signs and behaviors. Then, the two of you can have a discussion to decide if you really want to move out of the “friend zone” or remain close buds.
Try to look at the situation this way – if all you and your special female friends ever share is a loving, caring, fun, adventurous, and lifelong friendship, then you are already a winner. Sure, it would be wonderful if you could capture her heart and actually move into a committed relationship but if not, you have had an amazing opportunity to build a solid friendship, something that not everyone in life gets to have.