The focus of this article has been on methods of getting out of the dreaded “friend zone” but we also wanted to dedicate a chapter on how this position can be avoided in the first place. So how to avoid the friend zone? Just as with illness, it can be treated but any doctor would tell you that preventative maintenance is always the best solution. The same is true with the “friend zone”. Knowing how to stay out of it is much easier than trying to get out.
Of course, if you do end up in the “friend zone”, we have shown you true, proven methods for getting out but if you can avoid it in the first place then you can position yourself to go after the woman of your dreams.
THE GOLDEN RULE
You need to start by learning the golden rule of rules – never tell a woman directly how you feel about her. If you start in with “I really like you more than a friend”, you have just taken the chase and challenge out of the equation and moved yourself right into the arena you were trying to avoid. The goal is to get her to make the move in confessing her interest for you.
To get a woman to take the initiative so you do not have to, you need to tell her a few things first. Some of these things may sound harsh but just as men are drawn in by the chase, women are too. Therefore, she needs to understand that you have incredibly high standards, she is not someone you need, you are looking for a sexual connection, and that you are careful not to let friends with benefits ruin a friendship.
You would not simply blurt this information out but get the message across by the way you act or present yourself.
The way to let her known that you have incredibly high standards is to make comments that you have come to realize that you could date about anyone you wanted but the women you have been dating do not meet up to your standards. Then, give you specifics as to what your high standards consist of, someone who is witty, intelligent, a woman who is athletic, or domestic.
Once you have shared this information, you then want to start asking her questions to find out what type of boyfriend materials she is most interested in. After listening to her go on and one for a little while, you can then share a story about an ex-girlfriend and how perfect everything seemed but once you got into a relationship with her, you realized that she was lousy in bed.
The next factor is that you do not need her in your life. With this, you state that you are so busy with work/school, sports, family, and other things that there is simply no room for any kind of relationship. To the woman, this will make it appear as if you are your own priority. With this, you put yourself in a position of bowing out of a scheduled date but then having the opportunity to make it right.
Feel free to discuss sex to include friends with benefits. Chances are she is going to be a little shocked but this opens up a chance for conversation. Therefore, you then have a way of asking her about her own sexual preferences and if at any point she begins to squirm, you can tell her that the two of you are only friends and you are open to learning what women really want in the bedroom.
The point here is to let a woman know that you have been fortunate in that the majority of your ex-girlfriends are still close friends. What this does is show her that you are not one to just throw people away, which can help her let down her guard for nothing more than a great friendship.
This type of approach for staying out of the “friend zone” helps define who really is interested in only friendship and which women want a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with you. Men who have taken this avenue swear by it. Knowing what to expect from a particular woman lets you be friends or jump right into a one-on-one relationship, therefore, never getting caught in the “friend zone” at all.
SET THE GROUNDWORK
If you want to protect yourself so you do not end up trapped, then it is important that you continue dating other women until the time comes that the two of you have sat 42 down and had a heart-to-heart conversation. This way, you are keeping all your options open until the time comes that you and your special female friend have discussed what you want from each other. If she wants to remain friends only, then you still have other women to date but if she decides she wants a relationship with you, then you have control in focusing your attention on only one woman.
We have touched on this earlier but when trying to stay out of the “friend zone”, it also applies. Simply put, you make the determination as to how much you are willing to give. When she calls or sends you an email or text messaging, wait until later in the day to get back in touch with her. In addition to protecting you, this can also work to your advantage in getting the woman’s attention since absence often promotes desire. Remember, this is not about playing games or being mean, but living your own life.
NO GIFT GIVING
It is common for a man to give a woman who he is interested in a gift. However, to ensure you do not wind up in the “friend zone”, no gift giving period. The first time you offer a woman a gift, the game rules have changed. The goal here is to make a woman feel that she has to earn your attention and a place in your heart.
BE NICE BUT NOT TOO NICE
When you meet a woman, you certainly want to be nice and respectful but if you become too nice and too accommodating to her every need, then you are immediately viewed as a wonderful friend and nothing more. Yes, women want nice boyfriends but to get the girl, you have to offer some level of challenge.
Another common reason men end up in the “friend zone” is that they come off as being way too eager to start a relationship. Coming across as overly interested will raise huge red flags to a woman who will wonder why you are acting so desperate. Instead of seeing this as genuine interest, most women will see eagerness because the man has some kind of huge flaw. The solution is to slow down and even allow the woman to start the pursuit.
Unbelievable, men will end up in a friendship only situation because they come off as aggressive. There is nothing wrong with a man pursuing a woman but when this is too strong and over the top, the word “stalker” is going to enter her mind. There is a fine balance of being aggressive enough but not too much. We suggest you be assertive with the words you use and not aggressive with your actions.
TOO MUCH SHARING
If you start talking to a woman about your past dating experiences, intimacy, falling in love, romance, and all these different relationship issues, the effect it will have one a woman is negative, not positive. Just as you want to limit the amount and kind of information you share, also be careful in putting a woman on the witness stand. Sure, you can show interest in her, learning different aspects of her life, but if you begin drilling her with question after question, especially about romance and relationships, she will shut down quickly and put you in the “friend zone”.
You may be one of those men who excel at everything he does but unless you want to be thrown into the “friend zone”, you need to show women that you are imperfect. The goal here is to become approachable. If women see you as being the “perfect man”, they will quickly dismiss you as potential lover/relationship material.
The final tip for never landing in the “friend zone” is to command a woman’s respect. For instance, if you have a friend who calls you at 9:30 at night, knowing you get up early for work, let her know that you do not appreciate it. Interestingly, women will often test a man without even knowing it. Sometimes, a woman will push hard to see if you should be looked at as a friend or boyfriend. To protect yourself and actually make yourself more appealing, stand up for you!