How to cheat on your girlfriend?

When it comes to cheating on your girlfriend there are many viewpoints, some men think it is no huge deal, some dudes think if it is in a different area code, it doesn’t count and some dudes declare it’s the worst thing any guy can do. No matter what your stance is if you are planning to cheat then goddammit you better do it right so let go over the “Unwritten Rules for Cheating in your girl.”

Rule 1: NO LOCAL GIRLS

If you are likely to get some side activity then handle it like you’re a Marine, all the assignments must be on foreign land. You never EVER take on a side assignment anywhere NEAR headquarters. In case you could find girls living on how-to-cheat-on-your-girlfriendthe moon that would be excellent, when it’s time to pick a side chick NO SPACE is too great 30 miles, 50 miles shit. You do not desire to be like a glitter covered grim reaper here comes that stripper you banged that works at the club and then in the mall with your main girl 4 miles away from where you reside. When buying side chick you should in the mind set of the great trail blazers of the previous, Lewis and Clark, Hernan Cortez, Captain James T. Kirk you want uncharted lands. I can ensure when Christopher Columbus landed the very first thing he asserted in the name of Spain wasn’t America …it was a piece of foreign butt.

Rule 2: NO REAL DATES

Remain focused, you don’t desire another girlfriend you want KICK ASS SEX. As soon as you start purchasing birthday gifts and going out dancing another thing you realize you got two girlfriends and that’s essentially what the waiting room for Hell resembles. Remember, as it pertains to being with your side chick you should treat it like a bank robbery leave no evidence and you would like to get in and out as fast as possible. You’re here at this girls house that is haphazard so you pin that ass for the 1,2,3., strike her and can jump off the top rope like Macho Man Randy Savage

Rule 3: DON’T CHEAT WITH NASTY GIRLS

Remember you may get found and if you do lose your principal woman at least you are able to upgrade to the large titty stripper, you want to be sure you have been hanging with. I often feel bad after I find some guy losing his lady that was a solid 10 for the 4 he cheated with. Since you got caught with some Walmart cashier, losing your hot girlfriend is like selling your corvette to buy a laminated bus pass. Don’t forget the nasty girl COULD locate you in public and no guy really wants to maintain the mall and hear “INFANT” shouted from over the food court only to turn around and there she is Marmaduke running full speed hurdling tables like an Olympic athlete, her knuckles dragging on the ground as she drops her bag of 50 sliders from white castle merely to throw those thigh like arms around you. Not only are you upset she found you but for having a wild creature unless it is possible to create a license Mall security threatens to call the police.

What is the point in cheating merely to possess the exact same old face to face boring sex your girl gives you. Sex with your lady sucks and you know it, every valentine’s day your girl buys lingerie and believes that is a gift … I’m sorry but I am going to take back the bracelet I gave you shout surprise Christmas morning and wrap it if just rewrapping the same old butt I get every day causes it to be a present then on Christmas. That’s right Fellas lay out every freaky, filthy, crazy amazing thing you have ever desired to do and if your side girl doesn’t desire to do it DROP HER. I do not care what your into she should do it that is THE POINT OF GETTING WITH HER. SHOE PROGRAM” The side girl should ALWAYS BE An ABSOLUTE sex maniac and willing to do it all. I knew a girl that wanted to dress up in full football pads and be nude from the waist down and actually handle me. Can you believe I did it??

Rule 5: Never give your actual phone number to her

Get a goddamn prepaid cell phone from the drugstore and you keep that matter hidden like the Taliban hid hostages. Men consistently make the mistake of keeping text messages they get found and it’s a massacre and when their girl goes through their mobile AND SHE MOST CERTAINLY WILL. Every text is sent ERASE them, once every call is made. Voicemail like its evidence and you must treat every graphic and text and visualize your principal girl is a CSI detective. Don’t shoot graphics with your side girl I can guarantee you merely became her Facebook profile pic that is new. Every photo should be out of focus, blurry and from far away with no means to absolutely identify you in regards to images you ought to be like bigfoot. When it comes to side girls they should have a better chance of getting a picture along with you than they do of having a selfie with Jesus and Santa Clause high fiving.

Rule 6: Do Not tell ANYBODY

Do not tell anybody not your brother, cousin, Father, classmates, Coworkers, priest, Jesus, bums, hobos, your imaginary friend NOT ANYBODY because imagine what THEY WILL TELL AT LEAST ONE OTHER PERSON. You have to resist that school girl urge to giggle and tell someone about your conquest but recall it is going to work against you. You may see why you NEVER tell anyone when some dumb ass man tells his girlfriend who will then certainly tell YOUR GIRL!


As law gentlemen as well as your rewards shall be ample, treat these rules. Happy Hunting fellas and may the force be with you.