In this article you will find out not only how the shy guy can get the girls but even better, how he can forget that he is shy, altogether.
Alright, in this episode, we’re going to be discussing the shy problem. And that’s not just shy all the time its shy one tenth of the time, shy 5% of the time, shy 100% of the time. We are going to be discussing the shy thing and some really serious work around that. We’re going to not only work around the issue, but also get the girl as you’re doing it and at the same time you’ll also be breaking down the 5%,10% or 100% shy barrier. So, this is some really important stuff here!
Like the reason this is hugely important is because whatever percentage of you has ever had this problem or whatever percentage of you has ever hesitated while interacting with the girl… Well, that thing is cramping your style. And we’re just going to get on top of it and get it done.
Okay, so this shy thing. Shyness is a curse and when I say shy I’m just not talking to the person who is completely mortified of everything, everywhere, everyone, every girl in the whole world. I’m talking to you and I’m talking to me because we all have this piece of us and it is a problem, right? We can eliminate it, we can get rid of it but it’s a problem and every single person in the world has it. Even the obnoxious people[chuckles] who never shut up they have it too. In fact, being obnoxious oftentimes is compensation for being shy or being hesitant. And in speaking of obnoxious, obnoxious is also a curse. I think it’s ironic though that the retro active obnoxious curse, right? It never seems to be irritating to the obnoxious guys and they never seem to notice that they are obnoxious where as reciprocally the shy guy cannot stop thinking about how shy he is or if we’re hesitating in a situation like we’re only shy around women. Well, would you want to approach that girl, there’s nothing in your head but “why am I not doing this? What is the problem?”
Okay, so it’s kind of ironic there, but that’s okay. We’re here to turn that around. So, I like to say, wouldn’t it be cool to have a way to approach people that you wouldn’t notice that it was difficult, scary, makes you anxious, like, you know what I mean, the cold sweat that you get like “no!no!no! I cant, nope ,I cant ,nope!” Yeah, wouldn’t it be cool? Well what would even be better than that? I think, we’re going to have a few ways to do it or maybe even to have shy or hesitant work in your favor. That sounds insane right?
Okay, so we all have the shy problem and we all have the timid moments, right? The critical moment when you need to take action and it’s time to go up to her and say whatever it is. And whether it is in the water tower, the library or wherever it is with that moment. The time when you need to take action and it just passes. So that’s a timid moment. Call it shy, call it timid but those moments for some, can be hours, they can be days, if you work across for someone or in the space as someone that you wanted to approach forever. That can be years, right? Like even Hugh Hefner has this problem even Hugh Hefner has not known what to say to a girl before or had a strike up conversation.
Now, how did he get rid of this problem? Practice? Maybe? Sure, but what did he practice? That’s the big question. What did he practice? You can bet that he didn’t just practice not being shy or not being hesitant or practice having confidence, right? Like, these things are way too vague to practice like out of nowhere he just had some… He used: “dundudundun!” other bits of his personality as a spring board to get off the ground. That is the key here. However, it’s not the key that turns itself in the lock, right?
You got a lot of awesome spring boards in you that you can use to get off the ground. But like, just like a spring board you can’t have your trajectory right. Once you do it’s effortless. But where gonna take aim at this thing and get that trajectory right here in this episode, okay? Okay!
So in episode one, we talked about the abundance mentality because gentleman, really that’s where it’s at. There are more than enough women out there for everyone. Like I know this because one I have believed in the past that there were not and believe me, while I believe that they were not, they were not. I didn’t get any of them, right? And now I believe there’s an infinite number of them and that’s closer to what I get [chuckles].
Okay, there just needs to be a little attitude adjustment here, I know that sounds like a leap. We don’t have to take that big leap right now. But the point is, that you have all the ducks you need already. Complete abundance and it’s just a matter of getting them in a row, in a line. So that they can march out and get near across the finish line before you, right? You have everything that you need already and this is all about that. So a couple of ways to round up some ducks here, right? And shove them back into line and teach them to march along after the ducks know how to keep it together and know where they are going, okay? Here we go.
Now, the ducks that know how to keep it together. Like, what do we mean by that? Like, what are those? Now these are the strong bits of your personality. The strong things in you. Like this can be like an extensive education. For example you have bachelor’s degree or master’s degree– that’s a strong duck that’s in line and it knows where its going and knows its point of its finish line, it’s gonna make it right? You might have a strong imagination; you might have a very vivid and visionary imagination or any other thing about you that has its feet of the ground like that, okay? Right, This could be your career, your finances, your athletic ability, your artistic flair, your amazing capacity to remember historic events or trivia or whatever, right? It doesn’t really matter but you’ve got these ducks that have their feet of the ground and know where they’re going, right?
‘Kay so, build a list of these in your head about your ducks, right? What are the things and when you’re doing this by the way, the best way to line up ducks that are relevant to other people, think about what other people have told you about your own ducks. Like, I might think that my coolest thing ever is that I have good taste in pants, right? Like many people would disagree with. Like what I need to do is think about what they have told me that I’m good at, right? Like I’ve been told that I’m good at art, right? That’s—I mean, thank you from everyone who says that but I don’t particularly feel that I’m good at art. That’s not what I would have picked first. You know what I mean? But out of the things that people would say about me.
What are the top ten things people will say are your ducks? Not the top ten things that you would say are your ducks, because these ducks– they not only have their feet on the ground, but they’re the ones that other people see as having their feet on the ground, right? There’s a lot of unsung virtues in our lives that we will learn how to leverage. Like, we can do that a later time. But for now we want to use the things that other people already see. Why? Because they’re easy. They’re no brainers, and we already know that they stick out, right? We do these for a couple of reasons, okay.
Now, pause for a second and I know that if you’re like one of those people who has those super shy guy thing out there who’s saying: “Man, you don’t know how hard this is. You don’t understand the anxiety that’s involved.” And my answer is, “Yes I do, yes I absolutely do”. But more importantly than this, right. My second answer— actually just forget the first answer, my second answer is much more important and this answer is actually a question for you. And that question is that follows, are you ready for this?
That question is: Do you mister do you have any idea how much you have to offer any woman that is out there in this world?
Let me ask you a direct question, why do you deserve a woman? Why should you get one? Why should she care about you? Like why should one want you? Right? This isn’t like to be lame at all because I think there are a lot of reasons why a woman would want you. We’ve just talked about all these ducks. You have them in your head, you have crap loads of things that you think.
Okay, first there are other people in the world think are your ducks, right? And you know that those are fluff ducks, right? My art, that’s a fluff duck. It’s something the world talks about, right? And it sees that my duck is on the ground. I think that I have much more than that. Just like you thinking about this, you know that your strong suite is probably much much stronger than the things that people peg you with. So you have a lot to offer, okay. And if you already know the answers to these questions– this question of what do I have to offer is great. But how long ago was it that you last consciously thought about it? I bet that it’s been forever, hasn’t it? Like, it’s been a very long time since you’ve sat down in your own head and said “What is cool about me? What is the awesomeness of me?” Okay, right so, let’s just do it right now to double check.
Can you repair antique cars? I know some guys who can do that and believe me the ones who believe that’s awesome, they have hot chicks right in their antique cars, once they’re fixed. Because there are chicks out there like Betty’s that are just like that, they love it. And there’s the ones who think that “ Uhh—That’s just my hobby, I just like to do it” and they do it in their garage, right. So, there’s the two types. The only difference is the believe structure.
‘Kay, look, this can even be something really stupid and it will work just fine. But I just need you to make a note in your head that you have a bunch of qualities that are awesome. And they can be super solid like the ones we’ve talked about it first. Or the one like the fluffy one that we just barely went through. And we’ll get back to it. The point is you have a lot to offer and it total crap that the women out there are not getting to experience this from you. That’s absurd. Take a second and think about that you have all of this rad stuff to offer and you might not recognize it as rad or rather you might not be thinking about it before we thought about it just now. But now that you’ve thought about it, isn’t that stupid? I think it’s stupid. Right?
Okay so, here we are getting back to the point of the episode, I know how this feels and all I wanted– In the knowing how this feels like some years ago. All I’ve wanted was a quick cure. Well there’s a bunch of quick cures it turns out. In fact, there’s way too many to go over actually in this second. But we’re definitely, going to go through some.
Now I used to be very shy, and it’s gonna take a little bit of time– it took me at least a bit of little time, right? Way longer than you ‘cause I didn’t have anyone that was doing this. But it will take a little bit of time to gain complete confidence. But the good news is that in a couple of minutes here you’ll have some amazing new ways to deal with women in any situation whatsoever that are no stress and don’t take any memorization or pickup lines or whatever, right? In fact, the energy that they take, takes—[chuckles] this is the awesome part, it takes a lot less energy to just pull this off than it does to sit there and sweat. So it’s actually easier than not doing it. So I hope that makes you feel amazing, right?
Get out your pencils, get out your notepad. It’s time to take some notes. First I’d like to take a harsh realistic approach to our shy or timid self, right? Whatever percentage of us is shy or timid in any scenario at all. I wanna take some hard scrutiny to it and just beat it over the head for a second with some questions, okay.
Now, here’s a really simple question, yesterday, “how many people did you get to interact with?” boys, girls, doesn’t matter, right? Gas station, grocery store, work, job—don’t care. Doesn’t count if you’re playing in The World of WarCraft, right? I do that. An hour or two a day. I mean we all do, maybe [chuckles]. Not if we’re smart but I’m not smart so— But how many people did you get to interact with yesterday? In like in person? Maybe a hundred? For fun, right? Maybe it was ten, right? But let’s say that it’s a hundred, that’s more than most people interact with in a day by far. And we’re talking about even people who crossed the street in front of their car. Doesn’t really happen, like you don’t even make eye contact with that many people in a day if you’re in the normal whatever. So let’s call it a hundred for fun, right?
How many of them did you recognize had the shy or timid problem? Okay? How many of them have that? Not a guess like how many think had, but how many did you notice? How many did it come up in your brain and your consciousness and like “Ah! That guy is shy” “Oh, hey, hey! That guy is intimidated!” “Wait a minute that one is hesitant!” “That one is searching for something to say”. He doesn’t have anything. She doesn’t have anything. How many of these people were directly afraid of you? How many of these people were directly afraid to talking to you? How many did you see that were directly afraid of talking to the girl across the room? ‘kay. You see where I’m going, maybe? How many of them were afraid that you are going to be judging them? How many of these people did you recognize that were like “I’m getting judge right now” “I am getting scrutinized right now”.
One, and we’re talking about a hundred right? Maybe two possibly out of a hundred, ‘kay. Well the answer might be zero cause this doesn’t happen much. Now I’m gonna break it to you. These are the hard facts, 18% of the people suffer from hesitation and shyness all the time, 67% of people suffer from it frequently and 100% of people don’t know what to say during every conversation that they have. [chuckles] Okay, so you’re not alone.
‘kay so why did I bring this up? Because I wanted you to notice that you did not notice that at least 18 people out of 100 were having exactly your same problem yesterday. That’s if you even interacted with 100 people. Now notice if you didn’t notice them having a problem, they certainly didn’t notice you having a problem either. This is the same with women. This is the same with all girls everywhere. A girl will not notice that you have a problem if you don’t notice that you have a problem. Because if you don’t notice, you can’t bring it up. If you don’t notice you can’t have body language to respond to it, if you don’t notice you cannot give off signs that there is a problem. If you don’t give off signs that there is a problem, just like the thought experiment that we’ve just performed, a girl, a woman will not notice that there’s a problem— just won’t.
Now, this seems like a conundrum, ’kay? But this is really important guys okay? Human beings are quirky. Right? There’s no surprise there. Humans are quirky. We’ve all adjusted to that like we’ve adjusted to it by the time when we were two years old. And if a girl doesn’t notice that you have a problem, it will just come off as quirky, right? And quirky is good, and quirky is different, quirky is memorable. That means that your hesitation and your shyness, whatever percentage they are, can now work to your advantage, causing you to come off as quirky and different and memorable and awesome. [chuckles]!
There’s just one problem, you have to not be noticing your problem for this to happen, for this to work, for that to apply. You have to not notice that you didn’t know what to say just now. You have to not notice that there is a low in the conversation. You have to not notice that she’s looking at you expectantly and you still need time to think about what to say next. Impossible you say? Negative. It is easy, Check this out!
There’s a million ways to do this, but because we’re talking about shyness in communication here, I don’t want to talk about conversation tricks or how to talk at all, actually. Because that’s approaching the problem at the same level that was generated at. And there’s a really smart guy once. You’ve probably heard of him. His name was Albert Einstein, right? So Albert Einstein, a really smart guy, said in a quote “No problem can be solved at the level of which it was created”. He’s very wise, these are wise wise words. Probably one of my favorites from him as a genius, right? Let’s take his advice and solve this problem on a different level.
Okay, so if it’s not gonna be verbal what’s it gonna be? Alright, here’s where it gets all magical. You got your pencil out, right? Or your photographic memory because that’s one of your ducks. [chuckles] right? That is not a duck that I have and I’m very jealous of you. [chuckles] Okay, so get your pencil or your photographic memory out, ‘kay?
First of all we need to remember that you didn’t notice that there was a problem in 18 people out of 100 yesterday, right? So that means that they were successfully covering up their shy problem and their “don’t know what to say” problem. And their “I don’t know what to do” problem, and every other problem. And what’s even cooler is that they were doing this successfully without the information that we’re about to talk about. So keep in mind that no matter what they thought they were doing wrong, right, you didn’t notice and that’s just the way it is. No one notices these sorts of disconnections. Like these disjunctions. These, like failures to be perfect. No one notices. You don’t notice, they don’t notice. So, it’s time to get this duck that’s out of line, working its little butt off to make your dating life happen before we even shove it back in the line and teach it to fly straight, ‘kay?
Let’s start to jack those numbers around, right now. And let’s start to turn long silences into sexy silences, or into intellectual silences, or dramatic pauses, ‘kay. So, how we gonna do that? Essentially, what were gonna do is we’re gonna find things to say to substitute those silences in your head that have nothing to do with hesitation or fear or anything else.
So, let me tell you a quick story about one of my ducks. That other people think that has its feet down, right? The art thing. Taking some figure study classes and some structure classes which essentially mean that you’re studying the body. Like, just the anatomy of the body and the way the bones fit under the muscles and where the muscles fit under the skin etc. etc., right? So no different than antique cars in the sense that it’s something I happen to know that other people think it’s cool, right?
So, the other day I was sitting across the table from this perfect ten. And I’m not talking about perfect ten like, one out of ten. Like, Pamela Anderson essentially sitting across the table that sort of girl. I don’t think she knew how hot she was. I knew how hot she was, it was making me sweat. I’m sitting there across the table and she catches me off guard by saying and I quote “Are you really just staring at my boobs?” and I blinked and said “Oh, sorry, no. I’m actually looking at your spine” and she looks at me, and she’s like “Really?”B*llsh*t! Because like, that’s what she thought and I said “Look, I really was, I’m happy to look at your breasts. You just give me the signal and I’ll do that for you. But I was checking out your spine because it has XYZ property because I just barely got finished drawing the spine, like this evening, right?” Like I was doing a study of it. And I was figuring out how this and that and the other thing work together and hers was particularly straight and I told her that.
And she didn’t have a damn thing to say. She just sat there stared at me with her mouth open and like “You’ve just startled the hell out of me”. Okay, so notice now I am hosting a conversation, previously I was just kinda sitting dumb there looking at a beautiful girl and the structure of her body. Now I’m hosting a conversation that I have the master knowledge about. Now I’ve intentionally picked this because it’s the dumbest thing I could think of that has happened recently. But it worked amazingly well. You can do better; you can do better because you’re gonna think about it. I just caught off guard. I probably did look like I was looking at her boobs and I tell you what, after she brought it up, I was having hard time with the conversation because that was what I was looking at every chance I could [chuckles]. It was a good excuse to do that too, because she just thought I was looking at her spine again, but don’t tell anybody, okay?
Case in point, it’s the dumbest thing you can think of. Not a pick-up line, couldn’t be possibly be a pick-up line because it’s so dumb. But it worked amazingly well for these reasons. I could always have a unique conversation about the unique characteristics of every unique girl that I meet. Whether she’s like 18, 28, 38, or 88. And I enjoy it every time. Whether or not I’m interested in them sexually, whether I’m interested in them intellectually, and I just think that they are really pretty. I get to have this conversation with them because everyone has something that can fit into that schematic.
If we can force and make the junction of passion plus content in our conversations with people: One they’re gonna be lot less scary. Two, we’re going to have a lot more to say and three, they’re gonna be a hell lot more interesting than what it is that we have to say. That might be just flirting around like, “Yeah, I just don’t know how to do that, I don’t know how to make my computer geekiness fit in to that!” Man, there are computer nerds that tell fantastic tales. [chuckles] Like, I know there are friends of mine, we had this conversation and now they’re getting it whenever they want it, okay? And they do it by doing nothing but talking to other people’s head about computers and just having a great time with their own conversation because the girls are like “Yeah, I don’t understand that at all” “It’s easy, let me show ya!” and then you’re like hurry and build them a website. And then suddenly the chick has a website about shoes. You know, they were just sitting in a coffee shop barely know this guy. Now, they have a website about shoes. Cause you happen to have all the stuff that you needed to have in order already. Like the guy owns 80 URL’s for no reason. Except that they had cute names, right? So, she has a URL and website about shoes. They have every single reason in the world to get so that he can teach her on how to use blogging, you know? So that she can start blogging about shoes. Cause there is no girl out there in the world that does not have shoe fetish.
Okay, all my friend did was just put his computer nerdiness into context. It’s his passion into context with content and the girl. And all of the sudden he’s her go-to for everything now. Like she calls him all the time. Now, computer nerdiness, right?
Like I said, this can be really dumb but anything that you’ve got that other people say is a duck that has its feet on the ground and its pointed towards the finish line. Just take, please take 10 minutes and figure out how you can position that thing to be ready for content. That’s it.
Okay, now when you’re looking at guys who seem to be completely natural with their approaches to women. Like they can do it anytime. They don’t seem to have any problems whatsoever, they always know what to say. They just sit there and not talk and like women will like bat their eyes on them, and what have you. What is in these guys’ bag of tricks? What guys who appear to be natural with women have in their bag of tricks falls in the following categories, these categories—they’re pretty easy, they’re pretty straight forward, they’re pretty legit.
First, they have an element of substance which they can offer a girl. And we’ve just talked about that with a duck with its feet down. They have a touch of, what I like to call wizardry, right? Wizardry is anything fun and fanciful and unexpected and spontaneous and charming and what have you. That’s what were about to talk about, right? And how the shy thing can turn into wizardry really easy, okay? And like beyond that, the rest of it all seems like magic, and people just fall in love with them. And that really does seem like magic. So, elements of substance and elements of wizardry. Now, the third one is integrity. But I’m assuming that since you’re listening to this, that you are that person anyway. So you’re integrity is not in question, right? Your substance doesn’t have to be in question anymore.
Now lets dig a little deeper in “how to get this done”, okay? So we’ve got content and we’ve got a bit of wizardry and integrity. Without those three things, these would never have worked. Okay, the content was my duck, the wizardry is the scenario that was fresh and new, right? And you combining any girl into a scenario with your passion is gonna be fresh and new. So that’s a no brainer cause without saying, you just gotta try it. Take my “spine” example, it’s so dumb that you can do better. And it worked amazingly well for me. [chuckles] Like, perfect ten phone numbers in my pocket, okay? And then integrity, and that’s something you have anyway. You’ve already got everything that you need, just add 1 plus 1 plus 1 and you’re done, right? And the plus sign is equal, equal delivery here, substance and delivery. Wizardry, delivery, integrity. That being that, there are 2 things that are amazingly important in these first sorts of scenarios.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me, and I want our ducks to go make out, right? It wasn’t entirely possible. Okay, so there are 2 things that I wanna add to this that are about the nonverbal communication. And that blog post will cover it. And I’ll also put a podcast or an expanded audio out on the topic. It’s going to be about delivery. So we’ve got substance, or content plus wizardry or personality plus integrity. So that’s we’ve got so far. I may even put it up here as another podcast so that might make it super easy and we’ll cover this in a different topic that’s all about delivery, okay? So to wrap up, I would like first of all thank you very much to the “shy” member who wrote in to ask for this podcast about hesitation and shyness. I think it’s been really, really useful for us to talk about. I had a great time doing it and I want you to go and utilize the same option, ‘ kay?