Long distance love affairs


Alyssa (one of my current lovers) recently arrived onsite in Costa Rica to ply her mad Anthropology skills to better the world and play with the native girls. (A habit she has, both in and out of the country.)

Since I am often going on about “communicating via text medium”, I thought I would drop tonight’s transaction here for your long distance girl-getting/keeping consumption.

In brief, there are a few rules exemplified here.

1 – Keep your targets personality and attributes in mind.

2 – Always keep sex in the picture somehow.

3 – Evoke emotion of some kind. (Humor, amour, connection, etc.)

When writing, we keep the above ideas in mind to maximize effect and ensure response.

This becomes automatic after you have done it for a little while, but here is a quick breakdown of the process:

What basic facts about the woman in question as they pertain to rule 1?

How can I fit them into the context of our communications?

I will put forward her initial email and we will take it from there…

Please note: This is not intended to illustrate ‘brilliant writing’ on my part. The love affair is already established and ongoing. this is all bout maintaining and deepening shared connection, and after consideration to the basic 3 rules, it is written in the genuine ’stream of consciousness’ style that matches this stage of dating.

Here is her email –

Subject: Sending random affection

Body:  I’ve been in Costa Rica a full week now, internet is sketchy but available, and I had my first homesick day today. I miss you thoroughly, I hope you’re doing wonderfully and that all the flaming balls you perpetually juggle are doing appropriately amazing things. If not I’ll hit them.Tell me about you, your world, and home. I could use a good story, my fire is lonely tonight.Hugs and kisses!


Nothing high brow.

Just current events and a request for affection.

Most of us will initially think, “A story…. um, sure. Ill give her a quickie paragraph about my homework / lame ass boss / etc.” and I still have to curb these thoughts myself.

Easy to do however when we recognize that this is an opportunity to shine to a hot girl who is feeling lonely away from home.

The following is a result of taking 10 seconds to think through what will deepen our connection:

Build a quick tick list of the targets basic Bio in your head.

What do we know about Alyssa?

*Alyssa is ridiculously smart. As in, next female president of the USA type of education. Very sexy. (A writing style that plays to this will be appreciated. No need to keep it ‘basic’ for her if we feel inspired.)

*Alyssa is a Bisexual. About 80% into women to 20% into men. (We can be far more open with sexual witticisms and not risk a negative emotional response while achieving rule #2.)

*Alyssa is an Anthropologist. (She will likely be partial to social story telling / historic event story telling, etc.)

*Alyssa is a beautiful, full bodied liberal woman. (She has had the typical run of uncreative male communications regarding her looks, so some care should be taken in achieving rule 2, lest we come off as uncultured with her.)

Again, after you have an ongoing love affair, you should feel more than free to loosen up your collar in communicating inter-personally. She will appreciate it more than you know. (Feel free to think what you would have done differently while you read!)

Here is my reply.

Note: I generally do not write in this High Brow way to women. But because I am using the 3 rules, I know that the target will enjoy it, and thus I get to enjoy doing so 🙂


Hello love!
Story eh…… Alright.
There once was a boy who’s family hated him because he did not accept their fabled reality without concrete evidence.This concerned him because he realized early on that we are creatures of method, and felt that method without material would create illusionary results.He did not frame it in that context of course, as he was just a boy after all, and would not be fledged until much later.Ratherhe would offer something of the following:Boy: “Mommy, that woman on TV doesn’t like her life.”Parent:”That’s because she is having sex before she is married.”Boy: “What is sex?”P: “You will find out when you are married.”laterB: “Mommy, 12 girls picked me up at recess today and drug me down to the bottom playground and all married me.”P: “That’s nice dear.”B: “No. I hate them. They did not ask to marry me. – What is sex?”P: “Why do you ask?”B: “You don’t remember the woman who does not like her life.”P: “No.”B: “OK.”The boy feels very cheated and decides that one day he will find a way to involve 12 girls in mythic ’sex’ without being forced to marry them.Skip 15 years.Boy has solidified a system in which concrete evidence is the basis for concise action.No one can force him into non-consensual marriage, and he is rather pleased with himself.Conversations now proceed as follows:B: “Mother, why must you force us to go to your fairy tale telling place?”M: “The church is the truth. If you say its not again, you will be punished.”B: “Alright…. by what right do you claim I must be punished?”M: “For not believing in….”B: “The Sky Ghost? And for not believing that I should not know ‘mythic’ sex until I am forced to marry by your institution? Or is it by the virtue of years that you hold over me? if so, may I simply find someone older than you to tell you to reform? And at that point, why should I not tell them to tell you to do anything I want, and simply claim that a sky ghost gave me the authority to do so? – Ah, but I shall refrain., as I am not so manipulative.”M: “When did you become so spiteful?”B: “Am I grounded for the month?”M: “Absolutely. And I am taking everything “fun” out of the house so you can think about your problem.”B: “Believe me, I will surely consider my problem. 1 – I am grounded for being realistic. 2 – there is nothing fun in the house for the duration of my grounding.”M: “Now you are grounded for 2 months.”B: “Would I achieve three for mentioning that you are approaching the level wherein I should call you an nonsensical _____ch?”M: “I am getting your father.”B: “You divorced him.”M: “Your real father.”B: “The sky ghost?”M: Screams.The boy departed into the world that very night by use of something “fun”. (A window that his mother had forgotten to ‘remove from the house’ before he could use it.)Throughout his travels, he encountered many strange and wondrous things. (Such as breasts.) But never found an authority figure (Sky Ghost or otherwise) who seemed to have coherent enough dictates to entice the boy into force fed scenarios.Skip 10 years.The boy is now a child of philosophy, and has found two simple rules (and subsequent sets of sub-rules):A.) Everyone (not “some people”, rather EVERYone) seeks only two things:1.) To generate Happiness (meaning the feeling of well being derived from consuming experiences)2.) To escape Discomfort (meaning the feeling of lack/want/suffering derived from consuming experiences)B.) Breasts are better then Sky Ghosts.1.) Every single person likes breasts. (meaning every living creature who has not subverted the biological imperative)2.) Whereas a Sky Ghost will withhold breasts (meaning that Sky Ghost is subordinating rule 1.)Which bring us to present.The boy is quite happy.And dearly loves your breasts, if not as much as much as your phenomenal company. I miss you too.Your turn.

We can always write a better email. We can always be more creative.
But I want to put forward that whatever comes out of us will not matter a whit if it follows the three rules.

1 – Keep your targets personality and attributes in mind.

2 – Always keep sex in the picture somehow.

3 – Evoke emotion of some kind.

These three things paired with your obvious genuine and attentive effort will get the job done with flying colors.

The three rules take care of your agenda.

The effort takes care of hers!

Much respect as always…